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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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people don't know what they want (myself included).
they want you to do something.. you do it.. they bitch about it.
you want someone to do something.. they do it.. you bitch about it.
you think, "man, if this person would just do/be this, i'd be so much happier. life would get so much better."
it happens.. and you feel an emptiness or void.. or you want bigger and better things.
by the way, got a job at w/ some kickass attorneys being their legal assistant/clerical aid. should be my foot in the door to the lsats... don't know how i went from wanting to do some heavy media/entertainment PR to selling my soul to the devil...
i haven't had a job in two years. this should be interesting.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 20th, 2005
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there is nothing like sitting in an empty house.
there is nothing like sitting in an empty house with your best friend.
there is nothing like sitting in an empty house with your best friend, late at night.
there is nothing like sitting in an empty house with your best friend, late at night, with a bottle of crown.
there is nothing like sitting in an empty house with your best friend, late at night, with a bottle of crown, a jug of saint gria, 12 orange flavored zimas (haha!), a pack of cigarettes, airplane bottles of hpnotic, and much commiserating.
there is nothing like sitting in an empty house with your best friend.
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... until now!
HA! he's single! yes!!! ha! i have been WAITING FOR THIS DAY!!!
i will let the genius of coldplay verbalize my feelings:
My song is love
Love to the lovely song
And it goes on
You don't have to be alone
Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And it's so hard to see you clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own
And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're a target that I'm aiming at
Take my message home
My song is love
My song is love, unknown
But I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own
And I'm not gonna take it back
Oh I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're a target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home
And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna be there until it's much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home
And my song is love, is love unknown
And I've got to get that message home
... or should i just let him remain single? afterall, he sort of put on a shelf and kept me to himself... but i can only blame myself...
ok i have GOT to turn off this cd.
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Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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well, it's been a while, my little livejournalians.
i would like to share a little bit of wisdom that i learned while reading away messages the other night:
"happiness is like peeing in your pants. everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
hope all of you are feeling the warmth but getting potty-trained.
<3
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Saturday, November 27th, 2004
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i can't keep guy friends for long b/c they get all weird on me. don't take this as me being big-headed or anything, but a lot of the time, the guy ends up liking me romantically and it just ruins EVERYTHING. they always say, "no, it won't change our friendship" and "i know we're not gonna get together -- you've made that clear, so it'll be okay."
NO. it's never okay. ever ever ever!!!!!!!!
perhaps i am meant to live in a lesbian commune without any contact with males...for i break them. break them like a bad habit.
if my friendships w/ guys are like this, can you imagine my actual relationships???
that's for another entry...
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Saturday, October 30th, 2004
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you know how people always tell you how short life is? "life is too short...go out and do something with it." or how about, "life is too short...don't put off something you could do til tomorrow." ahhh but my favorite, "life is too short...live it with NO REGRETS."
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!
life is nothing but a culmination of regrets! a shitload of coulda, shoulda, and wouldas!!!!!!!!!
life ain't too short bitches, it's way too long.
on a brighter note, we're moving...AGAIN!!!!!! i love it. and guess where? FOUR HOUSES DOWN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... my parents are nomads.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, October 1st, 2004
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things that have happened:
1. i left my home church of nine years.
2. taking 16 hours and being an officer and chair of a student organization is a lot more work than i anticipated it would be.
3. october is so full of birthdays!!!!! happy birthday: lora, yoonkyung, kimmy, annie, lisa, yoonsuk...who am i missing? that's like a birthday every weekend!!! geez louise and cheezenrice....
4. my hair is quite long now...past the boobage....perhaps it's time to cut it? i am thinking...cut it ALL off and donate it to locks-of-love...but my face is too wide to have short hair. oh vanity, you make me a prisoner.
5. i wanna go back to korea.
okay, that's all. i think. i know i wanted to post for a reason but i drew a blank once i signed on...interesting. anyways, imma make like a bizall and bizounce!
complete this quote:
" ________ is so hot right now."
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Monday, August 16th, 2004
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KASE was awesome as usual...i was so touched by all the different speakers and especially by my peers. it's wonderful to be with people who understand your pains and struggles...and can offer words of encouragement and methods for support! truly wonderful... i know i said it was gonna be my last year, but something has come up that makes me say i will definitely be going again next year...haha...that is so like me...
chi-town is dirrty y'all...atleast, the parts i saw were.
KANYE WEST IS THE MAN!!! ("kanye's work out plan~~~ how much it be? girl, you know you don't have to pay for sh*t around me...i am the bootleg QUEEEEEEN~ i give it to you for FREE 99! FREE 99? OOOOOH~~~")
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MAN i am tired! my whole body is just limp right now...dunno why...i just feel like all the energy has been sucked from me.
i leave for chi-town tomorrow for the KASE conference, after which i will be visiting my homegirl alex. at first i was questioning why i was even going to KASE for the 3rd year in a row...and now i am so glad i decided to. this will be my last year though...i mean...it's sort of geared towards college students and i am a jr. now which means next year i will be a sr. (duh, i know) and i dunno...i would like someone who hasn't experienced all that i have to have the opportunity to go in my place through a scholarship. nonetheless, now i'm really excited to be going. and alex! oh i get to see alex in what seems like AGES!!! it'll be fun, no doubt.
i saw "little black book" last night with kenken. it was TERRIBLE. just AWFUL. but it got me to reconnect w/ some of my old music tastes...like carly simon. i'm thinkin about going to best buy or wherever to cop her album. carly simon is so cool...how could i have forgotten all about her?!
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Saturday, July 24th, 2004
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i am most CERTAINLY going to be "goin, goin, back to cali" sometime in the very near future! california is just BEAUTIFUL y'all. the people are *mostly* awesome, too!!!! haha but they like to repeat every "y'all" you say. never ceases to amaze them. haha :)
the kids were amazing...120-something kids showed up...i had the largest class consisting of 10 boys. it was tough at first but ultimately so rewarding and fulfilling. one child accepted Christ and another committed his life to becoming a missionary. beautiful shit goes down when you let it.
you'll never guess who i saw....
-DFW: courtney thorne smith and her husband. finally worked up the proverbial "balls" to get her autograph. turns out we were on the same flight as well.
-DENVER: the little kid who plays "beans" on that disney channel show "even stevens." didn't feel he was worth getting an autograph from. i may live to regret this if he becomes a big star.
-LAX: david hyde pierce. he is SO FREAKING awesome. by far the coolest person i saw...so cool i was too intimidated to even look him directly in the eye. he noticed the staring though. i am so uncool when it gets right down to it.
-LAX: the guy that played "henry" on "dawson's creek" and was also in that movie "murder by numbers" with sandra bullock. he looks like a druggie in the movies...and even more so in real life. didn't really WANT his autograph.
also ran into some snags...
-i missed my return flight
-got on a new one...only to have it be delayed 2 and a half hours...
-was switched to another carrier but the old carrier kept my bags...
-bags were missing for about 12 hours after i got into dallas
-FINALLY received a call saying my bags are waiting for me at DFW...TO PICK UP MYSELF. sheesh -- shouldn't they just SEND IT? whatever.
overall, awesome experience. too bad i had to come home to HIS shit.
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*********WARNING!!!WARNING!!!WARNING!!!**********
*stream of consciousness post coming up. approach at your own risk*
-i have come to the conclusion that some guys just have "it." that undeniable "mojo" of sorts that will draw all females to him. they are not "pimps," by any means, but are actually quite genuinely oblivious to the effect they render on the opposite sex. somehow, this will make a girl want this boy more. ....and more and more and more. why are we such gluttons for punishment?
-going to L.A. in approximately 15 hours. excited? more like anxious. teaching 500 kids w/ no curriculum as of yet. HA! some things never change, eh kids?
-i am by no means saying that i am a model or unusually attractive or anything like that...but...when ugly people think that they're pretty....it hurts my feelings. was that callous? HEY. it's called THE TRUTH. DEAL WITH IT.
-being weak may be tiring...but being strong...it's exhausting.
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so if i don't leave soon, i may lose my sanity. i may really lose it. currently considering taking a cake-walk semester so i can work my ass off and get it outta here.
his sorry ass ain't moving out anytime soon, so i guess i will have to be the one to take the initiative. as always.
"Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck, fantastic." (rachel)
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Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
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i am a closet bookworm.
well, not so much a closet bookworm as i am a really big dork who likes books. so i bought 6 books in the last 2 days. the five people you meet in heaven, the perks of being a wallflower, the notebook, the good people of new york, the little book of stupid questions, and the lighthouse (or is it just "lighthouse"? can't remember). well i've finished the first 3 (well, 4 if you count "the little boook of stupid questions," but it wasn't so much a book as it was a list of questions to ask your friends to get to know 'em better. kinda funny), and out of those i gotta say "the five people you meet in heaven" was the best. "the perks of being a wallflower" was a lot like "catcher in the rye" and isn't for everyone's taste, but it's still pretty good. real stream-of-consciousness which makes it easy to read. the only reason i read "the notebook" was b/c the movie's coming out, and like the sappy goober i am, i really wanna see it but not before reading the book on which it's based. parts of it were like soft-core porn. i am telling you, that nicholas sparks, though he has a great talent and tugging at your heartstrings, he's got some animal sexuality in him. HAHAHAHA. i felt kinda skanky reading some parts of the book, but overall, not too bad. but back to "the five people you meet in heaven." that book. damn mitch albom -- that fool can WRITE. only a few books have made me cry, and now i can add this book to that list. i really recommend it to everyone...it's a real easy read and makes you reflect on your life (even if it is just a short 20 years).
so like, later on...when i have a place of my own...i want a library. a designated room just filled with novels and poetry and such...a beautiful library.
and today's stupid question (all for the sake of getting to know you better) is....
Q. what would you say as your "last words" if you were about to be executed? remember to keep it short and simple.
hey, on a side-note...is it weird that i've spent the past 2 days just READING???? maybe i should be out getting drunk or something...
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okay, i find humor in those quiz results. lol. don't ask me why...maybe b/c i think it is quite possible that those results actually hold some truth.
find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com
hahahahaha many people would agree w/ that....
you say hello
inside i'm screaming i love you
you say goodnight
in my mind i'm sleeping next to you
you drive away
from my car crash of a heart
i don't know..
but you gave me the best mixtape i have
and even all the bad songs aint so bad
i just wish there was so much more than that
about me and you...
about me and you...
about me and you...
about me and you...
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okay, i have a hard time getting drunk. most of my friends are quite tipsy and crunk by the time i get a buzz, and therefore i rarely, rarely get drunk. also, i only drink liquor because beer makes me full too fast, makes me sick, and gets me kinda drunk. now that you know the background necessary to understand the story...here i go.
so i went to meet up my homegirls at a bar last night to catch up, do a lil social drinking, and for general merriment. it was fun, until i got a text messages and phonecalls from my family, which sadly really frickin killed my happy buzz and so i wanted to leave. but my darling friends wouldn't let me leave until i finished a mug of beer, and because i was in a shitty mood as it is, i decided, "what the hell?" and downed it.
i got home at 12:30 and sat there in my car, really not wanting to go in the house. i looked in the backseat and discovered a walmart bag with boxes of hairdye in it. i got in, and decided, "hey, i'm gonna dye my hair even though it's 12:30 and i can feel the beer kicking in."
i began the process at 1 and halfway through, i changed my mind. "hey," i thought. "i don't really wanna do this anymore cuz i'm really really tired." i looked in the mirror to discover that only half my head was actually doused in the hairdye and that i was in fact OUT of hairdye. a string of obscenities were making their way outta my mouth when i started rummaging through the walmart bag again and discovered another box of hairdye. so i finished the hairdying process and literally sat in front of the clock, waiting for the recommended 25 minutes to pass by. i literally sat in front of the clock, watching each minute, every second, pass by. you know how they say a watched pot never boils? well, a watched clock doesn't MOVE. only 20 minutes into letting it sit on my head, the combination of the stench of the hairdye with the amount of alcohol in my system pushed me to run (or rather, crawl) to the tub and wash the dye out of my pounding head. ahh, but it was not so easy.
i ended up clogging the drain somehow, so the tub started to FILL with the mixture of hairdye and hot water. i was so tired and in such a bad mood that i just sat there in that vile filth and waited for it to drain itself. it got pretty cold sitting in that bathtub at 2 in the morning. i mean, picture it people. a somewhat inebriated, VERY naked girl sitting in a bathtub filled with hot water and hair dye with some of it running down her face, shivering. picturesque, aint it?
you know what the flipping cherry on the whole messed up night was????
i woke up this morning to discover that my hair doesnt look ANY different.
oh, and my feelings from the previous post are even more intense now, which is a terrible thing. i wanna go on a road trip, but to where? and with whom? maybe by myself...i could use some alone time.
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what the hell is wrong w/ people? huh? what is wrong w/ you people?!?!?!?!?!?! why must you lie and cheat and steal from eachother? HUH?!?!?!? why do you do the things you do? why do you intentionally hurt others? why is it that you feel this incessant need to literally RUIN another person's life? WHAT IS IT YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!
why do you do it?
why do you make me hate you?
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so after seeing my friend get married, i started doing that damn self-reflection shit i tend to do...and then i got all mad (hence the cursing) at myself cuz i put myself in a bad mood. i dunno...are you ever just annoyed with the world? the way the world is? the way that people are? i know a lot of people think i have this issue with holding on to grudges an stuff, but honestly, it's cuz the other party just can't let shit die. how can you be TWENTY YEARS OLD and still go around talking shit about people and still go around gossiping your head off? i just don't know how you find the energy to do it, i just don't. i, myself, would tire out after saying, "omg you'll never gues..." but that's just me. not the rest of that God-forsaken plano bubble.
i started reading "i kissed dating goodbye" again. i tried picking up "passion and purity" after having hurled it against the wall (i'm sorry, something about the way that book is written - NOT its contents - gets on my nerves and i find it a very hard read) but i just ended up hurling it against the wall again. so "i kissed dating goodbye" isn't exactly the easiest book i've read, either. i mean, dissecting kafka and dostoevsky or re-exploring greek mythology would be easier than this book. it's not that it's written with some overly pompous SAT vernacular or anything, it's just that the content itself is a little hard to digest. no offense to anyone who loves that book, but joshua harris sounds like a robot sometimes. he seems so close-minded in some of the things that he says...and his examples are just so...trite. so cliche. whatever, i'm giving it a shot. the whole "no dating" thing...it's been going well. over a year now. yeah, i'm THAT resistable. :-P heh.
hmmm...let's give this thing i found on kat's livejournal a shot:
[font color=yourusername] [b]yourusername[/b] [/font]
Replace the [ ] with < > to find your TRUE COLOR..
gongju
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2004 MINI COOPER...brand new...red w/ white top...perhaps racing stripes (hehe)...full option...
vs.
2001 BMW 330ci...used (obviously)...black...whatever options i can find...
so basically, whimsical cuteness vs. classic beauty. what the CRAP. what the frick dude i need to make a decision by the end of this week and the test drive made me even MORE confused. i can make decisions for other people, but when it comes to my life, i can't do a damn thing. what the crap....
whaddya think?
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okay, i seriously don't mean to update every single frickin day, but something happened tonight that scared me. i went to java (yeah, that action in itself was scary) to meet up my homegirl...and we ran into a buncha people (as the routine goes), got dry-humped by some, caught up w/ some, pretended to be friendly w/ others...and then, someone told me something "CRIMINAL" that they did...and it involved someone that i am not too fond of...and it made me laugh.
I KNOW!!!! it's so wrong!!!! i should not take joy in other people's misfortunes!!!!
i'm not saying it made me happy by any means, but i did laugh so hard that i almost shat myself. i mighta even sharted. it was so weird...i felt like, "YES! justice is mine!!! i have been vindicated!" and at the same time, "that's terrible..." but that trace amount of happiness i felt out of knowing that someone did the dirty work for me and that this person was FINALLY getting a shred of the apocolyptic HELL they deserve...it scared the bageezus outta me. i had no idea i was so morally depraved until now. MAN. talk about a wakeup call.
i've decided that goals are good things to have. for example, i have taken it upon myself to give up the cancer-sticks until after kimmy's wedding (next week). i have been nicotine free for about a week. gotta tell ya, it's makin me sleepy and irritable...not to mention i'm eating like a pig. wait, i've always done that. so yeah, i know the first two weeks are the toughest...maybe after that i may even give it up for good? who knows. anyways, here are my goals for the month of may:
***JUWON'S MANIFESTO for the month of MAY 2004***
-try out the "giving up smoking" thing
-work out (perhaps it will be easier without the wheezing from smoking to slow me down)
-start a facial regiment
-get a summer job/internship
-be more frank about my grievances with my church (the passive-aggressive comments and failure to acknowledge "her" presence isn't too productive)
-pray more
-pray harder
-pray
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gongju's journal
confused.
apathetic.
determined.
cynical.
thirsty.
grateful.
exhausted.
anxious.
bitchy.
discontent.
accomplished.
blah.
crazy.
sleepy.